The best cookies you can buy in a store, ranked

Ooey-gooey, crispy or chewy, finally a day for cookies!

Posted: Dec 4, 2019 1:33 PM
Updated: Dec 4, 2019 3:45 PM


How lucky are we to exist in the same world as cookies?

National Cookie Day is here to remind us just how blessed we are, and in honor of the holiday, we've gone ahead and created a totally arbitrary list of some of the best mass-produced cookies in the US.

The only criteria: Cookies must be sold at most grocery stores nationwide (sorry, Girl Scouts) and strictly considered a cookie (frosted animal crackers and Cookie Crisp cereal -- you're out).

You may disagree with the rankings. That's fair. Whatever your favorite cookie may be, eat it today. Dunk it in milk. Heat it up. Have it for breakfast.

It's the cookie's day, after all.

10. Nilla Wafers

These are fine: Bite-sized, brittle, just sweet enough but also chalky. Leave these in an open sleeve in the box for too long and they'll soften and become inedible. They're best as a textural surprise at the bottom of a banana pudding.

9. Biscoff

These crumbly biscuits double as coffee stirrers (and are therefore acceptable to eat in the early morning) that, when ground up into cookie butter, make an excellent spread. They're more satisfying when enjoyed some 31,000 feet up in the air (they've been a Delta Air Lines staple since the 1980s).

8. Famous Amos

The old reliable of vending machines everywhere, Famous Amos cookies have an enviable chocolate-to-dough ratio for their diminutive size. They're a bit sandy, but they've hooked generations of kids who've misused their lunch money.

7. Tate's

One of the few cookies on this list that comes in a gluten-free variety, Tate's chocolate chippers are thin and crispy, but you can bite into them without fear of chipping a tooth. They're salty, and you feel like somewhat of an epicurean when you choose these over, say, the far inferior Chips Ahoy (purposely absent from this list).

6. Pillsbury Ready to Bake sugar cookies

These don't taste as great as you remember, but they're the only cookies on this list that tell a story. The peel-off dough balls bloom in the oven to reveal a misshapen Snoopy, a jolly pumpkin and a lopsided Christmas tree. Many of them will burn; that's a given. But doesn't nostalgia taste even better?

5. Keebler Chips Deluxe Rainbow

Substituting measly chocolate chips for the far more powerful M&Ms is masterful. These little rainbow joys are reminiscent of the candy-dotted cookies you could only find in mall food courts, and far more chocolatey than, hmm, the rock-like Chips Ahoy (again, you won't find those here).

The cookie itself is a bit chalky like Famous Amos, but those bulging globes of rainbow chocolate elevate these far beyond the competition.

4. Pepperidge Farm Milano

Nothing said maturity to a school-aged kid more than showing up at lunchtime with these vaguely European wafers. Are these cookies meant to be Italian? Kids could care less, when there's that luxurious fudge that glues the two biscuits together. Whenever these melted in lunchboxes, the results were catastrophic -- and tragic, for the waste of an excellent cookie.

3. Keebler Fudge Stripes

Whatever the Keebler Elf is doing in that little treehouse bakery of his is absolutely working, because these are a DELIGHT! The ribbons of fudge that blanket the donut-shaped shortbread reveal a back that is coated in more fudge. Your mouth and hands will also be coated in fudge by the time you're done snacking.

2. Lofthouse frosted sugar cookies

These cookies are drama. You spot them out of the corner of your eye at a holiday party, and suddenly they're all you can think about -- the frosting laid on so thick it sticks to the roof of your mouth and dyes your tongue. These cookies inspire division among coworkers, who dislike the pillowy soft sugar cookie and the stingingly sweet frosting. But that division means nothing to people like you, who swore fealty to this cookie long ago. These cookies feign modesty, but they know by the end of the party, they'll be gone.

1. Oreo

Is this a surprise to anyone? It shouldn't be. Oreos are perfect. They're dunkable, stackable and completely bingeable. Whether you peel off the vanilla cream patty (sacrilegious, in this writer's opinion) or eat the cookie in its entirety as Nabisco intended, their sublimity cannot be denied.

Every iteration of Oreo reveals its multitudes. Whether you prefer yours in miniature, golden, dunked in fudge, thin, Double Stuf, you'd be hard-pressed to find an Oreo done wrong (unless it's, like, the Swedish Fish Oreo, which is unacceptable).

Indiana Coronavirus Cases

Data is updated nightly.

Cases: 613228

Reported Deaths: 9728
CountyCasesDeaths
Marion846851338
Lake45676687
Allen32980552
Hamilton29649315
St. Joseph27531382
Elkhart24478345
Vanderburgh19610250
Tippecanoe18108141
Johnson15191295
Porter14944169
Hendricks14485250
Madison11044222
Clark10811144
Vigo10795181
Monroe9458113
Delaware9170134
LaPorte9145164
Howard8292144
Kosciusko810183
Warrick680299
Hancock6782104
Bartholomew6640100
Floyd6507110
Wayne6177162
Grant6027116
Dubois558680
Boone556468
Morgan548695
Henry511464
Marshall506984
Cass486964
Dearborn486545
Noble475659
Jackson427747
Shelby420781
Lawrence393780
Clinton375044
Gibson374459
Harrison353045
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Knox336239
Miami324544
Steuben315046
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Scott226839
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Starke176444
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Benton87110
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Union6297
Ohio4977
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Ohio Coronavirus Cases

Data is updated nightly.

Cases: 868656

Reported Deaths: 10768
CountyCasesDeaths
Franklin102154707
Cuyahoga865201153
Hamilton64744448
Montgomery43516419
Summit35250762
Lucas31663631
Butler31268232
Stark26096443
Warren19830142
Lorain19296229
Mahoning17471339
Lake16250154
Clermont16128112
Delaware1453680
Licking13326137
Fairfield1294981
Trumbull12920317
Greene12174141
Medina11732168
Clark11058265
Wood10457158
Allen9988127
Portage9454111
Miami924473
Richland9236118
Marion7486113
Tuscarawas7440183
Columbiana7409124
Pickaway732150
Wayne7111172
Muskingum710342
Erie6221130
Ross5558100
Hancock555292
Scioto542764
Geauga515955
Darke473492
Lawrence460658
Union456928
Ashtabula456473
Sandusky439562
Mercer435089
Seneca433866
Huron432841
Auglaize424164
Shelby422522
Jefferson422469
Belmont421145
Washington394240
Athens38389
Putnam378075
Madison358129
Knox356122
Ashland349038
Fulton340443
Defiance334486
Crawford325774
Preble322737
Brown315821
Logan312132
Ottawa296543
Clinton291543
Williams280367
Highland279018
Jackson265845
Guernsey257126
Champaign253428
Fayette239530
Morrow23464
Perry233718
Holmes226774
Henry221953
Hardin215533
Coshocton206922
Van Wert203445
Gallia199826
Wyandot196751
Pike178017
Adams177715
Hocking173224
Carroll157616
Paulding145321
Noble121040
Meigs109724
Monroe102232
Harrison89921
Morgan83931
Vinton71314
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